How Marriage Can Enhance Your Productivity

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim....

When thinking about one of the major factors that could influence one’s productivity, we inevitably think about our relationships. After all, many studies will indicate that our relationships can be very instrumental in our level of happiness and subsequently, our level of productivity.

One of the most important relationships we have in our lives is the relationship with our spouse – they are the person that we spend the majority of our time with, live with under one roof, and share just about everything with. Unfortunately, it seems like we are facing a crisis as the rate of divorce has increased in our Muslim community; it is particularly alarming that divorce increases in the first year or two of marriage, indicating the couple may have lacked in-depth knowledge of what marriage entails, and of what to look for when choosing their spouse. The consequences of a poor marriage partner and marital dissatisfaction are indeed far-reaching and have been correlated to higher rates of depression, lowered physical health and poor work production, may Allah protect all of us from these negative consequences.

Many people nowadays will spend months and sometimes even years preparing for a wedding that will last a few hours, and spend tens of thousands of dollars as well.But how many people actually prepare for the marriage itself? Which is intended to last a lifetime. A successful marriage consists of choosing a spouse through the appropriate criteria and by also being an excellent companion yourself.

Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) describes marriage to us so beautifully in the Quran. He says what means:

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect” (Quran Chapter 30 Verse 21).

So how can we find this love and mercy? How is it that we can live in tranquility?

Marriage is a two-way street; it’s not that each person puts in 50-50, but rather both husband and wife need to put in 100% of their effort to make it work. You will be half of that marriage and so you should learn about how you can be the best spouse for a successful marriage bi’ithnillah. If you focus on learning and fulfilling your own duties, then your rights will be fulfilled too.

Ultimately, this is not just a matter of ensuring a happy marriage – this is a matter of the Ummah. A happy couple leads to a happy and strong family and therefore emphasis is placed on a successful and strong Ummah which is better for our world insha Allah. The family is indeed the core of our community and so the decision of choosing the most suitable spouse and the efforts made to ensure a lasting marriage is highly important.

Now that we’ve discussed the importance of marriage as enhancing one’s productivity, here are a few steps in the formula towards a productive married life bithn’illah:

1. Educate Yourself

• Learn about the etiquette of seeking a spouse, what is permissible to do and what is impermissible
• Research what type of meaningful questions to ask
• Learn about your responsibilities and rights over each other (as husband/wife)
• Find out the Sunnah acts of marriage and romance (there are beautiful examples from the Seerah)
• Pay the Islamic Bookshop a visit for reading material on this chapter in life

2. Decide On Desired Characteristics

• Make a list of characteristics you want your spouse to have; keep in mind that you are not perfect and cannot expect your spouse to be for we are reminded in many ahadith that what we perceive as a disliked quality may be good for us
• Recognize traits or values that he/she must have and also areas that you are willing to compromise, no one is perfect!
• Review this list and make sure it is realistic and reflect on your own self, what qualities do you have to offer?

3. Consider a Potential Spouse

• Consult trusted friends, family, the local mosque for help
• Hold meetings in the presence of a wali
• Ensure you or your family speak to this prospective partner’s close friends and family to gain a complete and truthful insight into the person
• Reflect upon his/her character traits, values, expectations, goals/dreams, and your compatibility in this respect

4. Pray Istikhara (The Guidance Prayer)

• Pray Istikhara for counsel, guidance and make du’a
• Consult family and friends and take good advice
• Seek your parents approval and blessing, a really important factor to ensure they agree with your decision

Finally, having come this long way (!) – Place your trust in Allah when you have made your decision, and inshaAllah it will be the start of a productive chapter of your lives.

About the author:

Sister Raghad Ebied hopes of increasing our productivity and building a stronger Ummah, one happy couple at a time. In line of this vision she put together an online course for Muslimahs on how to choose a suitable husband, a spouse that will accompany them in Jannah inshaAllah. The course is based on Islamic guidelines and advice from experts in the field. For more information, please visit http://www.findingloveandmercy.com

Raghad is also Founder and Director of Destination Excellence, Certified P.I.C.K A Partner Instructor (Premarital Interpersonal Choices and Knowledge), Teacher, Trainer and Coach.

Lintasan buruk

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim....

Lintasan buruk? Apakah yang anda faham dengan maksud perkataan ini?

Sedikit perkongsian yang pasti menjadi muhasabah buat diri ini dan anda semua.

Semoga kita semua berada dalam pemeliharaan ALLAH SWT hendaknya.

Pengarang kitab 'Al-Fawaid ' iaitu Ibnu Qayyim telah menerangkan simpang siur kehidupan di dunia ini. Beliau telah menjelaskan bahawa setiap perbuatan manusia , biasanya didahului oleh lintasan-lintasan  (khuatir) atau gagasan. Atas faktor inilah yang kemudiannya mengundang munculnya tasawwur (gambaran). Selepas itu, muncul pula iradah (kemahuan) yang selanjutnya mendorong kehadiran perbuatan (amal). Apabila perbuatan itu berulang kali, maka akhirnya ia akan menjadi kebiasaan. 

Oleh kerana itu, Ibnu Qayyim menegaskan , " Lawanlah setiap lintasan buruk. Ini adalah kerana jika ia dibiarkan, ia akan berubah menjadi fikrah (gagasan) yang buruk. Singkirkanlah fikiran buruk itu, kerana jika ia dibiarkan, ia akan berubah menjadi iradah atau 'azimah (tekad) yang buruk.  Dan jika perbuatan buruk itu tidak dilawan, bahkan ia dilakukan secara berulang-ulang , maka ia akan berubah menjadi kebiasaan buruk. Apabila perbuatan buruk itu sudah menjadi kebiasaan, maka kita akan merasa sukar untuk meninggalkannya."

Justeru, ucapkanlah istighfar dan ingatlah balasan di akhirat kelak supaya kita terhindar dari memikirkan lintasan-lintasan buruk. Nau'zubillahi min zalik.

Kesimpulannya, setiap dari kita tidak lari untuk memikirkan lintasan-lintasan yang tidak baik dalam hati kita. Kita mungkin tidak pernah memikirkan apatah lagi terdetik untuk memikirkannya, tetapi ingatlah syaitan tidak pernah berhenti memesongkan anak-anak Adam akhir zaman. Dan yang penting, berusahalah untuk menghindari lintasan-lintasan buruk ini agar kita sentiasa berada di sisi juga rahmat ALLAH SWT..

Wallahu'alam....

Terima kasih kepada Dr Muhammad Azhar Zailaini

YDP IKRAM Hulu Selangor.

The Stress of Indecision

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim....

Alhamdulillah, we meet again after a long time I not update this blog. I should use the time wisely in order to ensure my writing here is not pending = ( . Hopefully HE gives me the strength to 'istiqomah' in writing. Ameen. 

Recently many things happen around me and it needs me to make the right decision in my life. And I realized all the things happen in this world are come out from HIM. Eventhough in making decision, every day we must make decision from the small things until the big one. Once again, I always difficult to make a decision. How about all of you?

Here, I share one good article to help me, you and who always difficult in making decision. I take it from the 'Productive Muslim's'  website. 
Keep it in reading and jazakillahu khairan khatira to Ukhti Nadirah who introduce this website to me.=p

Last week, I went through a particularly stressful situation that left me distressed, unable to sleep for a few days.

Looking back at the series of events now, I realise that the stress was not caused by the situation itself but by my indecision on how best to face the situation.

We all go through many stressful times in our lives, normally these situations are not too nerve-wracking in and of themselves, but our inability to decide how best to react towards them make them very stressful.

For example, let’s say you’re a student at university and you have failed your exams. You’re in distress, but this situation becomes harmful when you are unable to respond to your failure in a clear and positive way. You could say to yourself, ‘Okay, I failed…what is next? What are my options?’ You should pray istikhara prayer, and perhaps speak with an advisor or family.

When your mind becomes cluttered and anxious, thinking about a situation over and over and over again and the 1001 possibilities, you become stressed. If you make up your mind, however, you will find yourself much more relaxed because now your mind does not have to process the infinite possibilities, but can focus on the decision you have made and how to move forward.

Honestly, after my experience last week, I realised that an indecisive mind can become torturous, so here are five simple steps when you are faced with such situations:

1. Realise the world is not over and everything won’t stop/start at this decision, life will go on.

2. List your options and think objectively by considering what is the best and worst that could happen.

3. Take shura by asking your (wise and trusted) friends, your family members, and others. Be careful though not to be swayed one way or another with their opinion, simply keep their advice in mind.

4. Pray Istikhara on the options available to you and see which ones you are most comfortable with and which would please Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) the most.

5. Make up your mind and decide! Once you’ve intended a decision, take actions towards fulfilling that choice. Since you prayed istikhara, then if your decision was good you’ll see that fulfilling it becomes easy. If that decision was not good for you, then things would be made difficult for you and you’d turn away from it.

May Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) protect us from the evil of indecision and bless us with wisdom and peace of mind. Ameen.

p/s: Let's make the right decision for our life now!!!=P